Suspended in Time
by Clarasbowties
Summary: Clara's traveling with a wonderful man who goes by the name "Doctor" and he seems to be totally head over heels for her, but an old flame is continuously getting in their way. Will she put up with his antics and see the universe, or will the constant reminder of his betrayal become to much for her? Huge thanks to LovefromGallifrey for the cover image! Whouffle & River x Eleven.
1. Her Holographic Vagina

Chapter 1: Crying in the TARDIS  
**A/N: Welcome to the first chapter of "Suspended in Time"! I've been promising this for some time, so here you go! Just kind of a disclaimer here. I don't own Doctor Who. We've got a long ride ahead of us, so hold onto your hats. I will update this fic twice a week (most likely on Tuesdays and Sundays starting next week). I have a five chapter head start, so this should not be a problem. Oh, and if you like this or just have **_**anything **_**to say about this what so ever, leave a review. Please, I love them and they encourage me to become a better writer. So until the next update, I hope you enjoy xx.**

She had been on this big blue box for seven months and every time she thought the Doctor was interested in her, the ghost of his ex would show up and do something like this! Why was she always a last resort? After everything she had done for the Doctor, after saving his life and splitting herself into a million pieces, how could he lead her on and then go off with his deceased wife and have sex in the room right next to hers? The walls on the TARDIS were paper thin tonight, which she was sure was the snogbox's fault considering the ship never really liked her, but the moans were getting increasingly louder. For a dead girl, she certainly could scream.

She stormed around the room trying to stop focusing on the woman's screams and the man's grunts coming from the room juxtaposed to hers, so she grabbed a pillow and thrust it over her head as she sprawled out on her freshly made bed. Think of the children you teach, think of anything other than-

"Oh, Doctor" a moan echoed through the walls.

Clara rolled her eyes. She was now sure that River was doing this on purpose. The Doctor once let it slip that River had rarely been vocal before Clara moved on board; she remembered that conversation clearly as it was also the time he had told her that he preferred River screaming and thanked her for somehow influencing her sudden change. That was the first time she realized that River was a jealous woman. She could not stand having another woman on the TARDIS with her husband, especially a woman he was attracted to. Clara smirked as she reminisced about all of the times she caught him staring at her butt or gazing at her longingly. "_If only River wasn't here" _she thought before snapping out of the day dream due to the sounds of rhythmic banging on her wall. They were really covering all of the bases tonight.

Instead of listening to more of the colorful language and loud throbbing coming from her neighbors, she decided to go to the TARDIS kitchen and make herself some tea. It was calmer in the kitchen and she stopped having the urge to punch someone, mainly River, so that was always a plus. She did not know if the fact that the woman fucking her Doctor was a ghost made the situation any better or if it just made it worse. The fact that the Doctor would rather be in a ghost than in her made her even more furious and she eventually slammed the tea cup down and started tearing up. After everything he has said to her, after every hand caress, compliment, gaze and smile, how could he still go back to his wife every time her ghost came back pleading for him to take her? River was not even technically alive, yet she was still beating her in the race for the Doctor's heart.

Part of her could not blame the Doctor; he and River had so much history together. They were both alive then, though. After years, centuries even, of the two of them not being together, you would think that a thousand year old time lord could move on. "But apparently not" Clara sighed out loud as he final tear flowed from her face. Her heart was breaking into a million pieces and there was nothing she could do about it. She stared blankly at her cup filled with now cold tea and breathed. Her breaths were deep and steady as she tried to get enough confidence to go back into her bedroom and possibly take a short nap. After a few minutes her boredom kicked in and she pushed out the chair she was in and left the tea on the table. She thought that making the TARDIS clean up after her was brilliant revenge for moving her room so close to the Doctor's legitimate snogbox. As she approached her door, she heard loud screaming coming from the room directly next to hers followed by silence. "How adorable" she whispered, "they climaxed at the same time. It's like a fucking fairy tale" she rolled her eyes and opened the door quietly. She halfheartedly smiled as she shut it softly and jumped onto her bed with triumph as she closed her eyes and relished in the silence.

"Clara- hey Clara… wake up!"

She looked down at her phone- It was four in the morning. No one needed her attention that badly. She rolled over and desperately clung to her pillow in an attempt to fall back asleep. After several attempts at making the voices inside of her head be quiet, she finally gave in and pulled the pillow off the top of her head and onto the area beside her. Her eyesight was blurry, but she could vaguely see the outline of a curious looking man staring at her with nothing on his body but trousers. Her mind raced to the previous night and how he was eliciting moans out of his ex-wife's mouth as she was forced to listen to every sound. She thought about how uncomfortable she was in those moments and how miserable, but now he was sitting on the edge of her bed shirtless and a genuine smile formed on her face.

"What do you want? It's so early" she groaned and sat up on her bed. She was nowhere near ready to wake up, but she had a feeling the Doctor was not going to give up easily.

"It's always a good time for adventure, Clara" he exclaimed like an over excited child.

He was properly bonkers. "You know" she breathed and tried to wipe her face clean of all signs of how exhausted she actually was, "You could take your wife".

"Clara…" he chuckled, "Don't be silly! I want to go exploring with you"!

He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the open door of her bedroom. She had gotten little to no sleep, but could never let the Doctor know that she was kept awake by his rambunctious love making. Her mind was full of questions and almost no answers. She knew that the hand that was now pulling her through the TARDIS hallways was the hand of the man who was touching another woman last night. She knew that no matter what, her jealousy had to remain hidden or else her friendship with the Doctor and the traveling that went with it would be over. She also knew that she could not ask him to take her home. Not before traveling with him today. Any sign of wanting to leave after the previous night would indicate an inability to cope with the Doctor having sexual feelings, no matter how strange, towards another woman. She could hand this. After all, she was the woman who jumped in his time stream and saved all of his lives.

Two minutes. That was how long it took to get from her room in the TARDIS to the kitchen that was now conveniently located right outside the console unit. As they entered the room, Clara noticed something all too familiar. The same cup of ice cold tea was staring them in the face. Unable to hide her distaste for the TARDIS, she let out a loud gasp and walked towards the freezing, old cup of tea and threw it into the sink. "I know you don't like me" she screamed, "but you couldn't put my cup in the sink? Really… was it too much to ask?" she huffed finally finding a chair and cradling her head in both of her hands as the Doctor completely ignored the sudden outburst.

"A new cup of tea then, I'll get right on it" he grinned as he walked over to the empty kettle and began boiling water.

She looked up at him and raised both of her eyebrows. He had simply ignored the fact that she was angry or upset. He was probably too preoccupied in his daydreams about his ex-wife and her holographic vagina to ever consider that she was feeling forgotten or jealous. She supposed it was better off this way though. No matter how many times he flirted with her, or how many involuntary and unnecessary touches they shared, he would never admit her feelings for her, or give up on his dead beloved ex-wife.

"So, where are we going today?" she managed to choke out after carefully releasing her head from the death grip her hands had on them.

"After I make you tea" he snickered and spun around to face her with both of his hands on the side of the table, "We're headed to one of the most beautiful places in the Universe! Clara, we're going to the Eye of Orion"!


	2. Anima Persis

Chapter 2: Anima Persis

**A/N: SECOND CHAPTER! Hello folks! Thank you so much for the views. I'm glad you liked the first chapter and hope you like this one equally as much. Kind of goes off on a different note, but a pretty cool one I may say. I hope you enjoy it and please review! Xx **

The two of them sat and drank their tea for a considerable amount of time. She had to admit, the Doctor's tea was fantastically brewed; it was flavorful, delicious and steaming hot, just how she liked it. He was bouncing up and down like a beaming child and was obviously in a rush to go to what he claimed was "the most beautiful planet in all of alien or man-kind". She still did not understand why he would not take River on these adventures and let her sleep, but that was beyond the point now. She was awake and she knew that the Doctor would take her to this planet whether she wanted to go or not.

Once they found their way to the console, the Doctor was beaming. Clara assumed that the planet he was taking her to was going to be a great one. By the childish essence on his face, she was sure that this was a planet he grew to love as dearly as an old friend. He pressed several different levers and his hands were flying over the machine as a mad scientist's would over his test tubes and beakers. It was hard not to admire him when he was so passionate about everything he did. Her mind drifted back to the previous night and how she was kept awake by the sound of moans and grunts. The Doctor was definitely passionate this much she knew, but she never imagined he would be so passionate in the bedroom. She felt her eyes water up as she recalled the pounding she heard on the walls juxtaposed hers and the cries that left Rivers mouth when she screamed his name.

All of a sudden a voice reverberated through Clara's day dreams. "Clara" it whispered somewhat soothingly as if trying to coax her from a long sleep. "Clara!" it continued, this time relentlessly, as if someone was trying to get her attention. She came back to life and saw the Doctor two inches away from her. It only took her a moment to realize why he had been so urgent in getting her attention again- the TARDIS had stopped and the beautiful planet he was so anxious to get to was waiting for them right outside the doors. As soon as he got her attention, he ran up behind her and began to push her towards the doors. She was hesitant but excited, so she obliged and walked carefully up to the two doors of the snog box. His grin was burning a hole through her back as he seemingly pushed her through the front doors and jumped in front of her in order to introduce her to the new planet.

"Taa daa!" he screeched as she flailed his arms and attempted to coordinate his hands long enough to at least attempt accurate jazz hands. His eyes were fixated on her expression, but slowly drifted away when he realized that her smile faded into a frown. His hands immediately dropped as he looked over the planet and his eyes spoke for him. This was not the planet he meant to bring her to.

The two of them walked out of the TARDIS hand in hand carefully examining the emptiness of what was around them. Out of curiosity Clara looked up at the Doctor and found his expression twisted. It was almost as if he knew where they were but had desperately tried to forget it through his years of time travel. She gripped his hand tighter hoping that it would give him some comfort. He pressed his lips tightly, looked at her briefly, and then returned his eyes to the nothingness before them. There was a sadness that this place brought out in him; it was sadness mixed with fear, worry and knowledge all in one. The Doctor did not like it here and Clara knew that there was a reason for that. She immediately braced herself for the adventure she knew lied before them.

She promptly realized that she had been so busy with her own thoughts that she had overlooked when the Doctor had muttered something. "What?" she questioned promptly after she had realized that she was unintentionally ignoring him. Her question was answered with nothing but blank stares and tightening hands. The Doctor looked weary, but pulled her along with him as they entered the city further and further. Something terrible had happened here, Clara was sure of it, but she did not want to bring it up considering the Doctor's fearful and solemn state.

"This is Anima Persis, Clara. Something terrible happened here… years ago" he stopped speaking as a small figure approached the both of them. Clara's eyes widened as she looked from the Doctor to the approaching person several times. Clara noticed that his eyes had become tearful and became increasingly nervous which was obvious due to his attempts to try to pull her back to the TARDIS. Clara's mind was racing. The figure approached closer and she made out what it was- it was a little girl. She had no idea why the Doctor was so fearful of the child standing about ten feet in front of them, but he was still trying to pull her back with him. Her mouth could not stay shut, "But Doctor" she turned to him now in a fury of panic because this young girl looked like she needed help, "she's just a child"!

By the look in the Doctor's eyes, he was terrified of whatever inhabited this planet and was adamant that it was urgent that they leave as soon as possible. She had no idea why he was so upset that Clara wanted to help this young girl. The child had blood smeared over her clothes and it looked as if she had not eaten for days. There was something terribly wrong with this little girl and Clara was going to find out what. The little girl took her hand and gently pulled Clara further into the nothingness. She was convinced she was doing the right thing by going with her; children were helpless and unless she helped this young child, she would die.

Yet the Doctor was still yelling, "Clara, stop!" from behind her. She was utterly confused; she breathed deeply as she thought about the possible outcomes of this situation, but as hard as she thought, she could not see a negative to helping the little girl in front of her. The Doctor was following behind her hesitantly now and he was still shouting. She had no idea what he was so angry about, he always said to hold on to those who were precious and this girl most definitely was. His voice had turned from angry to desperate as he yelled behind her. "Clara!" he shrieked pleading with her to come back, "Please, just let her go. She will be okay without your help! Please, just let go of her hand…"

"Doctor" she answered concerned about what this little girl was actually doing, "She needs help. Please, just help her"!

The Doctor muttered a few words under his breath that Clara could not comprehend before running up to catch both the little girl and Clara. The three of them were now walking further into the unknown and farther from the TARDIS. The little girl was obviously adamant about taking them away because she increased her speed when the Doctor caught up. Immediately, he reached out for Clara's hand and although she was taken aback, she liked the warmth and comfort he provided her. Even though the Doctor may still be in love with River, the times when they had interaction sent shivers down Clara's spine. She had one hand connected with the little girl that was leading her and one in the Doctors. She could not stop herself from thinking about the possibility of having a child with him and repeating this scenario in a few years.

Her thoughts came to a halt when they approached a small city. The city looked to be covered in flames. There were people bickering all around the area and the war seemed to have started days if not weeks before they arrived there. She looked to the Doctor hoping to find something to console her, but all she found was horror. The Doctor's face was covered with worry and tears were forming at his eye ducts. She was now incredibly apprehensive; she had let this young girl lead her into a city of destruction and the Doctor was becoming emotional. She had a feeling that there was not going to be a happy ending to this battle.

The three of them headed into the flaming city and looked around at the civilians hiding in the mist. Clara was terrified. There were so many little children hiding behind boulders, their faces were covered with dirt and blood. The Doctor's hand was now holding so tightly onto hers that it felt like he would soon rip it straight from her arm. The both of them were being led by a little girl with golden hair and blood red skin through a crowd of flames. Clara felt uneasy, but the Doctor was just looking at her with what seemed like sympathy. All of a sudden a whisper came from the little girl's mouth. "Save me" Clara heard as she looked around at the several other people now rising from their hiding spots. "Save me" was now being chanted by all of the children who were progressing towards them through the crowd. Clara had no idea what to do, but the Doctor proved not useful as his mouth remained shut and his eyes remained watery. Clara quickly shouted, "We'll help you! We will try to save you, just show us what to do"!

"Clara no!" the Doctor screamed trying to stop her, but he was too late. The girl was already leading Clara through the city and the Doctor's hands were ripped from hers involuntarily. He slowly shrunk out of view as the children followed behind them. The Doctor was nowhere to be seen and Clara was on her own.


	3. Save Them

**A/N: Sorry for the late update. It's midterms week and MTEL's week and all that good stuff. With work coming back (after the kitchen fire we had), I know I'll have less time to write so I didn't want to get less than 4 chapters ahead. I hope you like this chapter. Oh, and I think it's important to establish that this story is mainly from Clara's viewpoint, so if you thought my view of River was unfair- it's Clara's view of River. If the man you loved was having sex with another woman right next door, I feel like you would've hated River, too. Sorry for the long note. Enjoy the chapter! xx**

Little voices were calling Clara's name as they lead her further into the city and farther away from the Doctor. Their haunting whispers made her shiver as the tiny voices echoed throughout her body. She wanted to help them, but there was something about the children that made her question whether or not she would be able to without the Doctor. She was never a person to question her worth, especially around children, but suddenly she was unsure about whether or not she could handle saving them all by herself. This was a dilemma that easily needed at least five dozen people, but having the Doctor back would be a start.

The building the children lead her into was large and dark. She had absolutely no idea where she was and she hated the fact that she felt incredibly lost. She thought back to the last time she felt really, truly lost and quickly realized that it had been before her mother had passed away. Her mind wandered back to that day when her mother had promised her that she would never be lost because she would always come and find her. A tear fell down her face as she realized that her mom could never find her in this mess; she was in a universe entirely her own and for the first time, that absolutely terrified her.

Her mother had been dead for several years, but Clara still felt her presence. It relieved her whenever she felt as if her mother was supporting her. She felt a similar sensation whenever the Doctor was in her presence; it was if no matter what, she would always remain safe and loved. She allowed a small smile to appear on her face as her fondness for the man who protected her against all odds was threatening to burst from the inside of her. Her mind was conflicted, but when it mattered the most the Doctor had always been on her side. He was probably fighting to be at her side at the present moment, but for now Clara realized she had to endure the hellish environment happening around her.

As she was lead through the halls of the building the children were taking her through, Clara reminded herself of what the little girl had said to her when they were first acquainted. "Save me" rang through her head as the same little girl guided her through the shady building still holding on forcefully to her hand. She wondered what they could possibly need saving from. Wars could kill children, but there was unquestionably no way she could stop a war from killing them on her own. She found herself questioning why they asked her and not the Doctor for help. He had hundreds of years in experience and also had plenty of experience with war, but Clara had absolutely none. She was incredibly caring and loved children, but when it came to stopping wars, she had to admit that it was definitely the Doctor's forte.

Gradually, she and the children approached a room that was seemingly in the middle of nowhere. The building was large and damp, but this room had an essence of hope to it. The lighting was brighter, the air seemed fresher and the atmosphere was welcoming. Clara enjoyed the sudden change, but that all came to an abrupt halt when the children forced her into a chair in the middle of the room. All their eyes were on her as she looked around and waited for something to happen. "Save us" one of the children stated hesitantly. The demand seemed like a question coming from that one child's mouth, but almost directly after that one voice piped up, the crowd of hundreds started bellowing "save us". To Clara's dismay the only word she could muster up was, "how"?

The children in the room went wide eyed at her comment; the crowd of them looked completely awe struck that she had actually replied to them. Clara took this moment to slouch forward in her chair and attempt to get through to them. "How did this war start" she questioned in her best warm-hearted teacher voice.

The children looked around quizzically seemingly trying to find an answer the simple question she had just given them. They scattered immediately and Clara simply sat staring at the now empty space that the several children had occupied seconds beforehand. The room she was in was brighter than the rest of the building, but now she felt extremely alone and isolated. The children did not answer her question about how the war started, nor were they willing to talk about what happened between their people. Without any of their help, she was not sure how she was going to be able to fix this. She was Doctorless and answerless and although the children were demanding her help, she was unsure she would be able to fix this.

After a few minutes without the children by her side, she left the room and made her way through the several hallways. She quickly noticed the occasional child traveling through the different hallways and found it funny how familiar the scenery was. The hallways were formed similarly to the way the TARDIS was structured; several hallways were overlapping and different doors were placed randomly all over the darkly lit walls. A few times, she came close to asking why the children were so against talking about the war, but every time they would run faster away from her. She rolled her eyes and continued walking towards the door.

As soon as she exited the building, she found the Doctor being held against his will in the midst of the fighting. The war was going on around him as he hung from a large post by the bonds strapped carefully on his hands. Her mind was racing and her first instinct was to run towards him and unbind him. The fire blazed from all around her as men with large swords circled the battlefield. The Doctor was in the middle of a rather terrifying sword fight and she had never seen the Doctor so anxious. He was trying to get to his sonic screwdriver, which was made obvious by his head which was now making jerkish movements towards the lapel of his jacket. His eyes met hers and immediately she disregarded any unsure feeling she had and ran towards him as fast as she could. As she ran through the battle field, all she could hear were the sounds of men's swards clanging and a man's voice screaming her name. The man's voice was loud and caring, and he obviously feared for her life much more than she did. All she cared about was getting the Doctor off of large post in the middle of the combat zone.

As she approached the Doctor, she realized it was him screaming her name. He was now frantic and looked extremely alarmed. "Clara… my Clara" she heard through muffled sobs from above her. She had to practically levitate herself in order to grab hold of the ties that were binding the Doctor, but after a few attempts, she unknotted them and allowed the Doctor to fall down next to her. She wanted to stop and hug him, but before she could even respond to the happiness that overcame her when she realized that they were reunited, he grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the battlefield.

Clara immediately grasped onto his hands and started running with him. It seemed as though he was running towards the children's house, but instead he took a sharp turn and headed towards the TARDIS. Immediately, she pulled her hand away and looked at him panic stricken. "What are we doing?" she questioned as she looked back and forth from his face to the children's house. "We have to help them! We can't leave!" she exclaimed through huffs of breath.

His face looked pained and puzzled. She had never seen him like this before; he seemed to want to help them, but not know how. It was a face of uncertainty and it scared her to death. She looked up at him as she bit her lip and then looked back at the children's house. If she had thought their current situation could not get worse, she was certainly wrong. The dimly lit, dark building had been engulfed in flames and the children were nowhere to be seen. Her face sunk even further and she felt like running in the building and helping the children. Before she could attempt to move however, the Doctor picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. She protested and kicked constantly as she screamed through angry cries. The Doctor was relentless though and rushed her into the TARDIS. As he shut the doors, she attempted to slam the doors open, but they would not budge. She was trapped inside this machine and there was no way that she could save any of the children or their family at war. The place was in ruins and for some reason the Doctor did not want to stop it.

"What have you done?" Clara screeched as she got up in order to face the Doctor. Her eyes were swelled with tears and her sadness had turned to anger. She had no idea why the Doctor had done what he did. "We don't walk away" she snapped as she got closer to the Doctor. Her confusion and sorrow was overtaking her and she was not sure what else to do. They had walked away and let hundreds of unsuspecting children die. It was all her fault. It was their entire fault.

"Clara… please" was all she heard as the Doctor approached her. She was still furious, but her anger decreased a little as the Doctor kissed her forehead. She shrunk into him as tears rolled down her face rapidly. Her mouth was trembling and she shrunk to the floor. The Doctor sat down with her and cradled her in his arms. She felt warm and safe regardless of the terrible things that had happened earlier.

"Why, Doctor" she cried, "Why"?

She looked up at him and realized that his frown had turned upward into an awkward smile. "It wasn't real, Clara" was all she heard escape his mouth before she curled into a ball and allowed herself to sob herself to sleep in his arms.


	4. The Nightmare

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
A/N: Just letting you know, I update sooner if I receive reviews. :] I've had this chapter written for some time, but I honestly was going to quit writing this fic if no one was interested. I know it's mean, but I'm busy and if this fic is not interesting anyone, then I thought I'd stop. Sorry for the wait regardless. Hope you like this fic – there's lots of fluff!**

Her eyes fluttered open slowly as her body came back to life. As she hazily examined her surroundings, she realized that she was tucked tightly under warm, dark blue sheets in a room that was painted the same shade. She felt as if she was being engulfed in a sea of blue and she absolute adored it. There was one thing she could not get over, however. The room she was in was not her own, nor was it the room she inhabited in the TARDIS. Knowing that the TARDIS did have more than one bedroom, she tried to fall back asleep. Her eyes fluttered shut and she sunk further under the covers.

Almost immediately, a tingling sensation formed through her spine. Someone as there with her and however comfortable she was disappeared as she felt a slight stir coming from behind her. She quickly flipped herself over only to see the Doctor lying on his side facing her as he was fast asleep. Thoughts began to run through her head. She replayed the events of the day prior, regardless of how much she hated them, and tried to understand what had happened between the Doctor and herself. One moment she was on the TARDIS trying to comprehend why they had just left hundreds of children to perish, and the next she was in the Doctor's bed. No matter how many times she ran through the events, she could never seem to come up with what happened between being in the TARDIS console and being in the Doctor's bed. She was at a loss, but she knew there was only one person who could tell her the whole truth.

"Doctor" she whispered in an attempt to wake him from his slumber. He refused to move and remained lying at her side. He was sound asleep, eyes shut and his lips slightly parted, and he looked incredibly peaceful. In that moment, Clara knew that she could not wake him up. So, she turned herself around and happily snuggled back into the covers and backed herself closer to the Doctor. His warmth radiated through her body. The events of yesterday were still on her mind, but the thought of being cuddled next to the Doctor overwhelmed her. She smiled, and then sighed, and then fell into a serene slumber.

Three children strolled by her. They smiled and waved towards her while laughing the entire time. She always enjoyed children enjoying themselves. She politely waved back at them and continued walking. The scenery was bright around her; there were radiantly colored flowers blooming all around her, the grass was the greenest of greens and the sun was blazing. There were no signs of clouds or death anywhere in the distance. Clara loved days like these. They were the days where everything was right in the world.

Coming towards her was a man who was about a foot taller than herself. The man had floppy dark hair and straggly limbs, but for some reason when she looked at him, he felt like home. Her smile increased until it was fully submerging her face and she began to run towards him. In return, he began to run to her. After only a few seconds, the two had met in the middle of a large field and collapsed on the ground laughing. The two of them remained on the ground for several moments before finally getting up and enjoying the view. The Doctor came up behind her and immersed her in a tight hug from behind. She immediately gave in to him and pulled his arms around her tighter. The beautiful day, the gorgeous scenery and the children running around made the day wonderful, but the man behind her made this day perfect. She dearly loved him, she knew that even if he didn't, but this was only a dream. However, she kept dreaming despite the unfortunate fact that this was not real.

The sun shown around them and the sky was still the bluest blue, but suddenly the children began to vanish. Several of them ran into oblivion whereas the others simply disappeared as she watched in awe. She slowly pulled herself from the Doctor's grip and allowed herself to sink to the ground. The children were now nowhere to be found and the sky was starting to darken. Suddenly, thunder boomed around them and rain plunged towards the bare field. The green began to turn a dark brown and the trees began to fall over. Clara was in a state of complete panic as she tried to get up and find shelter. She ran to one of the many buildings standing around her, but as she did the buildings burst into flame. She felt her body cave in and suddenly she felt weightless. Her body was lifeless, yet she was still standing there. There was some hope left in her that kept her feet placed firmly on the ground and her body was not following the path of her evaporated mental processes. After the buildings were almost completely burnt down, she turned to the Doctor. All she wanted right now was a hand to hold, but that was clearly not going to happen any time soon.

When she turned around the Doctor was perfectly fine with his surroundings. Of course he was, he was intertwined with the woman he really loved. Clara looked towards them with horror and she felt a tear fall down her face. This was her breaking point; the Doctor was on the ground, tearing at River's clothes until she was barely dressed, their mouths working at one another's until she heard definite moans coming from their direction.

In that moment, little dots began to encompass her mind and the picture of her beloved Doctor and his wife began to disappear. She was waking up, which in her mind was both a blessing and a curse. She knew that she would have to face the Doctor about her terrible nightmare as well as the previous day's events. However, all she could think about now was what she had seen. She knew that the two of them were having intercourse, but she never thought that she would have to see them, even if it was only in her nightmares. The kids bursting into flames right before her eyes infuriated her, but the Doctor's relationship made her weak. The two miseries combined were not a nice combination.

As soon as she focused on the light of the tiny room in the TARDIS, she heard a voice booming from right next to her. She turned to face the Doctor, only to realize that he was in a panic. She reached up to her face and realized that she had been weeping pretty badly. She wiped the tears from her face only to have the Doctor pull her into his arms. The two of them had a lot to talk about, but she knew she would not be able to escape talking about what happened to her in that nightmare.

As she was let out of the Doctor's tight embrace, she looked up to him and smiled. She was clearly trying to mask the fact that something traumatic had just happened, but apparently he saw right through it as he looked down at her with his big, sad eyes. She closed in on herself and began crying nearly immediately. She felt his arms wrap around her once more, and speak softly in order to get her to calm down. She was unresponsive, and her words would have been drowned out by tears anyways. For practically hours the two of them sat on the bed in peace and tranquility. Clara had stopped crying, but she knew the Doctor would not talk before she did. She was going to have to make the first move, and honestly it frightened her.

Clara's eyes were now fixed on the Doctors. She had so many questions to ask him, yet had no idea where to begin. Why was the planet that they visited constantly at war? Why was it not real? How could he be still caught up with the ghost of his wife? All of these questions were valid, yet all that escaped her mouth was a soft, "why"?

He was clearly confused. His eyes darted back and forth and he looked as if he was going to start tearing up any moment. His hands left her back and were now placed firmly around both of hers. The two of them intertwined fingers and stared at each other for many moments before the Doctor finally spoke. "Clara" he started, "when I was young, I was sent to this planet called Anima Persis. It was beautiful, but desolate. A young child approached me and asked me if I could help him. Naturally, I said yes. However, I quickly realized there was nothing I could do for them. Regardless of what I did to help, they would all end up dead. I tried so hard to save them and almost lost myself in the process…" He paused. His eyes were welling up. Clara thought about what he was telling her. He was telling her a few stories of his past, which he never did. She knew that she would have to be extremely delicate if he was going to continue to trust her. Her eyes darted up towards his and she gave him a slight smile, unmistakably trying to let him know that he was in a safe and open environment.

"Well…" he breathed, trying hard to hold back all of the tears that were currently forming, "After I almost lost myself, I found out that all of these people I tried to save were ghosts. Clara, the planet we were on… it was Anima Persis. It was the planet I lost myself on and I refused to let the same thing happen to you… because… well, because… I know how much you love children and you never forget a memory like that. They're all ghosts, Clara. None of it was real".

She tried to comprehend everything he told her, but it was so hard. She would always try to protect children, even if they were children she could never protect. The thought ran through her mind and it made her rethink everything. Her gift was to teach and protect children, yet somehow she would have to let the events of yesterday go as if they did not happen. She was at a loss, and she knew that the newly revealed information would plague her. These trips were important, but not nearly as important as her sanity. She loved the Doctor and she could never leave him, but she knew that she could never visit Anima Persis again.

**A/N: Just letting you all know I stole Anima Persis from Classic Who. :D **


	5. The Choice

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N: So, I was in Louisville last weekend and got to meet Karen Gillan, Matt Smith & Michael Rooker… so that was fun! It's also the reason why I haven't updated in a while. I was gone from Thursday to that Tuesday, so I apologize. I'm so glad that you guys like this fic. The reviews were so overwhelmingly kind and I can't thank you enough for encouraging me to continue this. I really do love the idea for this story and love writing it, but I want to know you love it too! Alright, well, you get a lot of fluff in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it!**

It had been a month since the disaster on Anima Persis happened and Clara had still not recovered. Every time she closed her eyes the same nightmare formed in her thoughts and every night she found herself crying out and thrashing in her sleep. Luckily for her, the Doctor came in all the time and checked up on her. Almost always, he ended up falling asleep in her bed in order to comfort her. She would wake up firmly cradled in his arms and realized that somehow, he made her nightmares disappear. Night after night, he would burst through the door as soon as he heard her thrashing, screaming or crying, and would hurry over to her in order to engulf her in his arms. He would whisper in her ear and rub her back, just like her mother used to when she was younger. It was a comfort she would never get tired of and she had to admit that he was her savior just as much as she was his.

Despite all of the good that the Doctor was doing for her, she was nervous. Each night she fell asleep in his arms was one night closer to his wife coming back for him and taking him away from her. Every time he cuddled with her and protected her in her bed it became that much closer to River's arrival. One night soon she feared, River would come back and her nightmares would be forgotten. While she was dreaming about the children of Anima Persis being brutally murdered, River's moans would be echoing through her room. Instead of being horrified and miserable, she would be confused and jealous. She dreaded that day more and more every time she thought about it.

What made Clara more confused than anything was the fact that the Doctor had been so adamant about how the children were just ghosts and she should not be worried about them, however his wife was a ghost and he still worried about her. The comparison she was making may have been a bit of a dramatization, but every time she thought about the Doctor and his wife, it made her infuriated. The hypocrisy of the situation was overbearing and in her mind, River should be living far away from everything. She was a ghost and her spirit should have faded a long time ago. The Doctor had to have some sort of emotional feelings towards her. He slept in her bed every night in order to comfort her, he cradled her in his arms until she was asleep, he made sure she was safe before he left her and yet he was still attached to his deceased wife. One day all of her questions would be revealed; the confusion would be torn apart and everything would be answered. How could a man who acted so lovingly towards her still leave her for his departed ex? None of it made any sense, but for now she would let it go. For now, he was comforting her and that was just the way she liked it. For now, he was hers. Warmth ran through her body at that though; a life without confusion, a life without River. It would be perfect—too perfect. This type of perfect was nonexistent.

She had not brought up her thoughts to the Doctor. She had told him about the nightmares obviously, but she never told him about the jealousy that overflowed her body every time River was around. The nights they talked about her nightmares were always the sweetest. She would tell the Doctor all about the children who were hurt and the buildings that were burning, and he would lovingly reassure her that everything was alright. Those were the nights she lived for. She loved being open and honest with the Doctor. She felt like she could say whatever she felt and he would accept her wholeheartedly. Usually these talks would end with the two of them cradling one another in the other's arms as they both drifted to sleep. However, she never mentioned River. The thought of the Doctor with her ate through her soul every day, but she could not bring it up to him. She would not be the one to make him choose between his wife and her.

He was awake. He was roaming the TARDIS and she could hear him pacing back and forth. Her mind was racing and she did not know if there was anything she could do to stop the torment and torture she was putting herself through. Her mind expected the worst as she approached the room he was in, but her heart was hoping for the best. Amidst all of the horrific images popping into her head, he was still there to save her. Among all of the hatred and death, he was the light—at least; he was when River was not around.

Clara peered through the outside of the library. Sure enough, the Doctor stood in front of her. He was indeed pacing; his speed was a constant march, his legs taking him as slow as they could go without stopping all together. Something was bothering him. She cleared her throat and whispered, "…Doctor"?

He was caught off guard. As soon as she spoke, he jumped backwards and very nearly fell over from the very impact of her voice. He was fidgeting in front of her. She tried to approach him, but all he did was slowly move backwards. She hated this. Why was he being so distant? She moved her legs voluntarily closer to him and slowly brought her hand up as if she wanted to touch his face. His only reaction was to dodge her touch and run to the opposite side of the room. Clara's eyes scanned his body as his irregular movements intrigued her. He was usually awkward, but his body screamed uncomfortable which was an indication of something completely different. He was not unsure of himself, he was hiding something.

She sat down in the chair closest to where the Doctor was wandering. She approached him carefully, in order not to scare him away. It was all very weird the way she was treating him, but he seemed as if he was a kitten and would be scared away by the smallest sudden movement. Clara still had no idea how to get across to him, but her instinct told her to comfort him. "Are you okay?" she whimpered so softly that it was barely audible. At least this made him turn his head towards her. It was not the most responsive answer, but it was _something. _

A voice piped up; his voice. The Doctor was speaking to her and she felt her heart leap with excitement regardless of how many times she had heard him speak before. This time was different. His voice now gave her hope of something to come. It gave her a hope that had not been there in the several minutes leading up to it. All he said were a few words, but it was enough to let her know that she was not at fault. He was responsive, and even though his words were, "Clara, I'm so sorry", they still meant that he was apt to talk to her.

"Doctor it's… wait, why are you sorry?" she questioned with a determined look on her face which was punctuated by deep dimples and furrowing brows. His voice was solemn, but tender. Clara's eyes were beginning to well up with tears before she even knew why he was sorry. Something was wrong and she had a terrible feeling that she was not going to like the answer to her question.

She looked at him with tear soaked eyes; his hands were in his pockets and he was holding his breath. He was going to kick her out of the TARDIS. She knew he was going to kick her out; it was the only possible explanation as to why he was acting so funny. His voice piped up again, "I just think it's for the best if…" he paused. Why did he stop speaking? Now she was positive that he was going to kick her out, yet he remained silent and began to work his way towards her. He repeated the word if a few more times, but by that point his feet were almost situated directly on top of Clara's.

She looked up at him with both of her eyes covered in watery specks. He was staring back down at her with hopelessness and sadness, yet he had a loving adoration in his eyes. She needed to ask him so much, but in the end could not find any words. She shook her head softly and looked down at her shoes. Her hands were now wrapped around the Doctor's as she pressed herself closer to him in order to let him know that it was okay to hold her. Instead of holding her, he disconnected her hand from one of his and brought it up to her chin. Carefully, he tilted it upwards in order to allow himself to look her in the eyes. She was ridiculously confused, but allowed the Doctor to continue considering the fact that they were both in an extremely vulnerable state. "Why?" she said softly as she felt her face inching closer to his. His only response was to smile, which made Clara feel unsure of everything.

Why did he not answer her question? He said that he was sorry- what was he sorry about? So many questions built walls around her mind, which distanced herself from any relationship she could ever form with the Doctor… or so she thought. As soon as the walls were built, they were violently torn back down. The sensation of the Doctor's lips on hers was enough to pull her from any trance she had been in prior. The delicate nature of the kiss was sweet and overbearing at the same time. His hand was still placed firmly at her chin, and his other hand had carefully moved from locked inside hers to the arch in her back. He did not press or push himself on her; he simply let her be as his mouth remained pressed passionately, yet softly against hers. She allowed her hands to roam cautiously considering she was terrified of having the Doctor pull away during this intensely intimate moment. One of her hands slowly trailed up his chest and found its way to the nape of his neck while the other remained gripped shyly onto the side of his waist. Her mind cleared as she felt him exploring her mouth. The softness of his lips contrasted deliciously with the roughness of his tongue and it seemed as though the longer his tongue searched her mouth, the harder it was to remember the conversation they were having moments before.

The quiet flame lasted for what felt like lifetimes, but it was over far too soon for Clara's liking. She had waited for what seemed like decades for the Doctor to kiss her. She just wondered what would happen once River was back in the picture. As of that moment, she allowed herself to forget and fall back into the Doctor's arms once more. For right now Clara was his and he was hers. The only thing that made Clara happier was the sound of him humming next to her while she rested in his arms. His voice stammered as he blurted out, "I'm sorry for not saving you from your nightmares soon enough". With that statement, Clara grabbed his hand and pulled her to the couch in the library. She guided him down on it and cuddled up next to him tenderly. Truth of the matter was that she wanted to save him just as much as he wanted to save her and now nothing, not even River Song, would get in her way.


	6. She's Back

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! This chapter gets a bit smutty, so hopefully that makes up for it. I won't be able to update until I'm out of school for the Summer, so I certainly hope this can hold you over for a bit! xx enjoy! **

The couch was their bed that night. It took only moments for the two of them to be aligned perfectly in a spooning position next to one another on the small couch. Luckily, a blanket was hovered over the back of the sofa and the two of them pulled it over them and snuggled in for the night. One of his arms secured her close to him as the other delicately played with her hair. She could not help but feel that if there was a Heaven, this would be it. It took moments for her to fall into a peaceful slumber as she cuddled even closer to her beloved Doctor.

All throughout her nap, she did not move. Her body remained still and lifeless the entire night, and although she slept remarkably well, she was pretty sure the Doctor stayed awake. As her eyes slowly fluttered open, she felt the Doctor's hands rub her back lovingly. It was as if he had been doing that the entire night. She loved the safe, warm feeling he provided her with, but hated the fact that she burdened him by making him miss out on opportune working hours because he was busy holding her while she slept. All of those thoughts disappeared as she heard him whisper, "Good morning, Clara" onto the back of her neck. The words sent a shiver down her spine which he seemed to notice due to the fact that he was now pulling her closer to him in the middle of the small sofa. Part of her wanted to pretend as if she did not hear him speak and slowly fall into a quiet nap, but instead she rolled over to face him. "Good morning, Doctor" she whispered as she grinned and leaned forward to kiss his chin.

He just looked down at her and smiled, carefully pushing her fringe away from her face. The two of them cuddled intently for the rest of the morning, both of them simply in awe of the other they were sharing the sofa with. She was absolutely amazed that this man would stay still for so long, especially with her, so she looked up to him and finally muttered, "Do you want to go on an adventure?" The Doctor perked up just like she thought he would. His smile was something she would never tire of seeing, specifically when it was directed towards her.

She stretched her arms so wide that she practically knocked the Doctor on his head. The two of them were still lying down, but now they were too excited to sleep. With one last smile, they both looked at each other and stumbled off of the sofa. Clara ran to her bedroom to get changed, leaving the Doctor to his thoughts. She quickly threw herself into the shower and washed up as quickly as she could. She practically fell out of the shower and skip over to the TARDIS wardrobe to get changed. She caught her breath when she reached the cabinet. Depending on how the TARDIS was feeling, her clothes would either be horrendous or absolutely beautiful. She truly wished that it would be the later, considering after the night her and the Doctor had had, she wanted to look the best. She squinted her eyebrows as she opened the wardrobe. Inside it were the most horrid looking dresses she had ever seen. There were long gowns that were too big for her to wear, short dresses that barely covered her midsection and multi colored dresses that were horrible mustard yellows and periwinkle blues. Clara rolled her eyes and cursed loudly at the TARDIS. "Really?!" she screamed, "I took your owner and THIS is how you repay me- I get it. Now…" she paused and allowed her to gather all of the breath she could muster and then whined, "just give me something that doesn't look horrendous! Do that for me! Just this once! C'mon!"

She continued to look through her wardrobe carefully before eying something absolutely breathtaking. It looked as if the TARDIS actually had a heart deep down in that machinery of hers. Amongst the plethora of awful looking dresses, there was a stunning emerald green dress that went down to her knee caps and had three quarter sleeves with stunning sequins all over the dress. The neckline plunged just deep enough that she knew the Doctor would have to hide his affection, but not so far that it revealed everything. She was pleasantly surprised by how remarkably well it fit her. It hugged all the right places and showed off her best assets. Her face was beaming as she silently thanked the TARDIS, even though she had remained in character and tricked her into believing she had nothing to wear, and went to join the Doctor in the console room.

Skipping over to the Doctor, her heart skipped a beat as she saw him dressed in a wonderful dark suit and an emerald green bow tie. They matched! Her heart soared when she realized what the TARDIS had done. She had color coordinated their wardrobes! She thanked the TARDIS silently and proceeded to comment on how great they looked in emerald green. The Doctor nodded appreciatively and quickly said, "I thought we would. That's why I hid that beauty in your wardrobe." Clara knew she could not expect the TARDIS to do something that romantic. She chuckled at him and then stood on her tip toes to give him a kiss on his cheek. Instead of connecting with his cheek, he turned his head and connected with his lips instead. The two of them remained latched together for quite some time and they allowed their lips and hands explore each other's bodies. Clara's hands quickly found his chest and brushed over the clothing preventing her from touching his bare skin. His lips wandered to her neck gracefully as she allowed her arms to encourage him by putting her hand on the back of his head and tilting her head to allow more access. His hands then found her lower waist and proceeded lower south to her bottom. The two continued to rhythmically move with one another until there was a noise behind them. The TARDIS console began to groan when Clara was placed on top of her. Clara chuckled and the Doctor blushed, but both of them realized that until they had a proper adventure it was for the best that they were interrupted.

Clara pushed herself off of the TARDIS console and leaped over to the side of the console room. "So Doc…" she started, and after seeing him furrow his eyebrows and become flustered, started giggling profusely. "Stop it!" he shouted, trying to get her to stop laughing at his expense, but it was no use. She was too far gone to stop. Immediately, he ran over to the levers and pulled one so hard that Clara was sure it was going to fall off. She fell to the side and clung on to the bars for support. Her body was still shaking from laughter, but now she was curious as to where the Doctor was taking her so she tried to calm herself down. "So, as I was saying, where are you taking us today?" He just gave her a smirk and continued working the controls around him. She should have known that this would be his revenge for her being so giggly about his frustrations. After careful consideration however, she decided to play it off instead of get upset. Her being irritated would just fuel the Doctor and she refused to give him that type of satisfaction.

A few more levers were pulled and a number of buttons were pushed before she felt the TARDIS land. The TARDIS seized to make any more noise before the Doctor moved away from the controls and went to Clara's side. He winked at her quickly and then proceeded to pick her up bridal style and headed out the TARDIS doors. "Beautiful planet for a beautiful girl!" he exclaimed before shutting the doors behind him. It was indeed a beautiful planet. In Clara's eyes, there was nothing more beautiful than the midst of autumn when the leaves were different shades and the sky was a deep, dusty blue. The green of their outfits blended in with their surroundings. The Earthy colors were embracing them as the Doctor carried her further into the beautiful wilderness.

"Welcome to the previously unnamed planet!" He told her as he put her down in front of a wide, never ending ocean.

"It's beautiful, Doctor. Truly breathtaking" Clara admitted before turning to him and smiling. Thinking over the words he had said to her, she suddenly realized something, "A previously unnamed planet? Why previously?"

The Doctor chuckled to himself before swiftly grabbing her hand and his. His face turned a bright shade of pink before stuttering, "The planet has a name now. I was searching one day for a gift to get you and I remembered this unnamed planet…" he brought one of his hands to the back of his neck and rubbed it nervously. Clara was almost too enthralled by what he was saying to notice it, but she did at the last minute and stepped closer to him. Their proximity to one another was decreasing as the Doctor forced out the last of his statement. "This planet reminded me of you, Clara. So that's its name" he bit his lip as he looked straight in her eyes, "this planet is named Clara. For the most beautiful, selfless and loving girl I know. This is all for you, Clara… and I know you are worth a million planets, but…" suddenly his words were cut off by her lips crushing his.

Clara's mind was fogging. What he had just said fueled nothing but pure desire in her, and all she wanted now was to make love to him right underneath the beautiful tree with multicolored leaves next to the bluest ocean she had ever seen in her life. She allowed her mind to clog as the Doctor pulled her into him closer than they had ever been before. Her dress was glimmering in the glistening sunlight, and the green was the perfect color to reflect off his eyes. The Doctor's magnificent green eyes shot into her soul like lightning and ignited a passion unlike anything she had ever experienced before. He had given her a planet, and not only a planet but the most gorgeous planet she had ever been on. The fact that she could say that she had been on multiple planets was still a shock, but the fact that she could now say one was hers was flattering and brilliant.

The planet was desolate, which was lucky considering the Doctor threw his bowtie in the water and was now stripping down to nothing but his pants. Clara followed him and took her dress of carefully, and after remembering that she had a long zipper down her back, allowed the Doctor to undress her instead of ruining the gorgeous gown. "My Clara" he whispered in her ear before she twisted around and connected their mouths once more. Their lips roamed hungrily over each other's bodies as if they would never be able to be with one another again. The Doctor shoved her up against the nearby tree and began to thrust himself dominantly into her. Her moans were drowned out by nothing other than the sound of the TARDIS materializing over them. They both assumed that it was for protection, so neither of them bothered to stop what they were doing.

Quickly he unleashed himself from his pants and allowed himself to feel her wetness on him for the first time. She moaned at the thought of him inside of her and began to kiss his neck seductively. The two of them could barely contain themselves any longer. Luckily the TARDIS had transported them into the console room, where Clara was helpfully pressed against the TARDIS doors. The Doctor made his way down to her belly button and when he looked up at Clara asking for permission, all she had to do was smile before her underwear fell to the floor. In an act of absolute need, Clara jumped up into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist as she anxiously awaited his entry. It seemed as if that moment would never come, however and after multiple seconds, Clara became impatient.

"Doctor" she breathed sporadically, "Please…"

The Doctor simply cleared his throat and placed her on her feet before stepping away from her slowly. Clara was confused considering her vision was blinded by the man standing in front of her. She found her clothes and hurriedly put them back on considering she had no idea what was going on inside the TARDIS. However, the Doctor just stood there completely still without a single article of clothing on other than his shirt. Clara allowed herself to step beside the Doctor and her mouth opened wide. She never imagined in her wildest dreams something like this would happen, especially after the glorious night she had just had with the Doctor. However, there she was standing right in front of them looking mildly annoyed. Clara just closed her eyes as she saw the woman approach the Doctor seductively. Instead of fighting back, she just watched wondering what the woman would do. She stepped backwards the closer the woman got and once the woman made her way over to the Doctor's ear, all Clara could hear her whisper was two words:

"Hello sweetie"


End file.
